This is my entry for February’s IndieWeb carnival.

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I think my first digital relationship was with the guy hosting this carnival, Manu. It was the result of a #followfriday - the good old days of Twitter.

I’ve always been an in-person person, but this has shifted my needs with time. Living in 5 different cities and 4 different countries left me with a widespread family (chosen and blood make no difference to me).

I had the luck of spending some time with Manu in person, but, as with most of my digital relationships, the connection is more scattered than daily. I tend to be present and physically connect more with the people around me.

With time, the family expanded and moved, making everything more chaotic. Sometimes, I miss replying to a message for days; I miss birthdays and several weddings.

Luckily, family is family, and every time we have the luck of sharing some time (digitally or in person), it is like we met the last time the day before, and this always felt magic to me. Meeting with someone and being puzzled because the last time we met was 3 years ago and feeling like we said goodbye the night before.

Lockdown had a significant impact on the meaning of digital relationships in me. In fact, living alone, screens were the only meaning of connection and belonging besides a canal walk with a friend and any now and then.

This still has an effect on me, especially continuing to work remotely. Belonging and connecting are battles between in-person and screen time. I struggle to balance digital and in-person interaction; as I push myself to live in the present, connecting with someone digitally lets me sometimes feel I’m not since I’m somewhere else with my mind. But that’s the only way to stay connected with some friends.

A middle ground I’m trying is to have rituals to share some quality time in person occasionally; I (luckily) love to travel and have the flexibility to work from wherever I want.

All in all, a relationship is always a relationship, whether digital or in person. The shared experience is what makes it special; it is what shapes the relationship; the medium you connect with is only a means to that.